The Meaning of Home
by SilentHopeX3
Summary: Susan's thoughts on her final moments in Narnia. "All good things must come to an end, after all." MOVIEVERSE. Slight Suspian. SPOILERS.


**Author's Note: I don't own anything of C.S. Lewis's, and I'm sorry if I copied anyone's work. It was not intentional, I swear. The song in the end is "The Call" by Regina Spector in the Narnia soundtrack.  
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**Susan's POV**

"That's just it," I said, in no attempt to disguise the sadness in my voice. "I don't think we're coming back."

A look of horror crossed Lucy and Edmund's faces.

As always, Peter stepped in to comfort them, but my mind was too far away to hear his words.

I always knew it wasn't long before we left Narnia once again. I was so hesitant to come back for this exact reason. How could Aslan expect Peter and me to never come back, after all we had done? How could we just leave? I would have to learn, or rather force myself, to forget all my memories here. Again. It was just too painful to keep them locked inside my mind, especially this time when we would not return.

Aslan had said that Peter and I had already learned all we could from Narnia, but all I had learned was this: This grand place- Narnia, that is- it was, and still is my home. I would return back to England. There, I would be cowered away into a house for protection, but having a house did not mean I had a home. A home meant a place to go back to, to feel like I belonged. Only Narnia deserved the title of home.

As Peter, Ed, and Lucy went up to say their good-byes, I stayed back, observing for a moment. Peter shaking hands with Doctor Cornelius, Reepicheep on the side… Lucy embracing Trumpkin one last time. It looked all surreal- too surreal.

My eyes drifted up to the one person I didn't want to see the most. Prince… King, now, that is… King Caspian the Tenth.

My feet moved on their own, and I soon found myself less than a foot away from the newly-crowned King of Narnia.

"We never would have worked anyway," I found myself saying, trying to lighten up the tension between us.

"Why not?" I couldn't read the emotion going through his eyes. I had never been too good at that, but I looked up to stare into his dark brown orbs once again.

"I _am_ 1300 years older than you," came my response. I looked away and started walking. I couldn't bare it anymore. How could Aslan do this!? This man… he had been my first love, after all. I don't know when I fell for him... maybe it was when he was trying to avenge his father, or the way he lead the Narnian army in the war. My mind knew better, though. It was when he saved you, it seemed to say.

"_You sure you don't need the horn?"_

Those words embedded themselves into my mind. I couldn't get them out. They were haunting me. My mind was also telling me something else, though. _Stop thinking for once. Don't be logical. Use your instinct._

I stopped. Then, I turned around and walked straight back to Caspian. _I might regret this later, but I know I'll always regret it if I never take this chance. _

I took a deep breath and then went on my tip toes, lightly pressing my lips on to his, waiting for his response. I took it all in: his tanned face, the way his curls framed his face just so, the way his eyes always looked so warm. I concentrated on these facets until I felt one of his arms make their way to the small of my back, the other one cupping my face as he returned the kiss.

He returned it.

He was kissing me back.

"I'm sure I'll understand when I get older," I heard Lucy say in the background.

"I'm older, and I don't think I want to understand," Edmund retorted.

I broke the kiss and looked straight into his eyes, and for the first time, accepting all that had just happened to us. Memories came flooding back.

"_You just need to trust Aslan,"_ Lucy had advised once. I had been so stubborn, hadn't I, not wanting to return to Narnia and no being able to accept the fact that we were here once more? It would have been better if I listened to Lucy from the beginning.

Another realization dawned on me. I had learned another lesson here in Narnia. It was a lesson neither Peter nor Edmund nor Lucy had learned yet.

I had learned to love.

It wasn't just to love another sibling or a friend, but I had learned to actually love another man. I had read it in books before, but it really was all the more enchanting when you experience it first-hand. My first true love. My first kiss. Maybe this trip back wasn't so bad after all.

Caspian shifted as he pulled me closer into a hug. His strong hands circled around my waist in a firm grip. This was probably the last time I would see him, nevertheless be near him again. I would treasure this moment, I decided.

Maybe we would meet again, if fate allowed it.

Aslan always did keep our best interests in mind. He always wanted to do what was best for us. It was time I started putting my trust in the lion.

Pulling away, I took one last look of him before I joined my siblings to head back to England. _Be happy, Caspian. I know you'll be successful and loved by all._

All good things must come to an end. I guess the saying stood true to its meaning.

Truth be told, this time in Narnia was even better than the last time. Maybe I did learn everything I needed to learn from that place. Maybe I won't see Caspian ever again. Maybe I would actually find love in England even. Or maybe, I would return someday, despite what I had been told. The smile I saw Aslan give me was enough to assure that everything would be alright, and for the first time, I believed him.

Maybe I wouldn't be so quick to forget this adventure. Maybe, keeping it in my memories is what will make me stronger. Maybe, remembering was the best option, remembering every single detail, and never forgetting. Ever.

There were so many "maybes" and "what ifs," but I knew two things were certain:

1. There was a bond between us all that would never be broken. All of us would meet again in the future. This wasn't the end.

2. No matter where I ended up in the future, now I knew that if need be, I would always have a rightful place here in Narnia. I would always have a home to return to.

As I walked through the portal, this time, cherishing all the newly-made memories, I caught a glimpse of a melody blowing in the wind.

_Let your memories grow stronger and stronger 'til they're before your eyes. You'll come back, when they call you. No need to say good-bye… You'll come back when they call you. No need to say good-bye._


End file.
